BonusRating

Ok, so here’s the latest tale of a 20 year old student who thought he could cheat some of the world’s top casinos using a ‘brilliant’ method that he came up with. Simply take a photo of a £25 denomination poker chip found at Gala Casino in the UK, send off the image to a couple of poker manufacturing firms and have them produce a huge quantity so that you can use at the said casino. The guy didn’t figure however, that the firms would be slightly suspicious that they were being asked to produce chips of such a well known casino, and that – as things go – they’d call the cops on him. After the guy’s computer was seized, it was found that he had pictures of all the Gala Casinos across the country – gotcha! The guy was promptly jailed for 18 months….

And to balance out the status quo (‘coz cops can get corny too), here’s a joke courtesy of the Comedy Zone: A policeman is driving along the road when he gets an urgent message on his radio telling him there has been a dead body found in an ice cream van just down the road.

“It looks like he’s topped himself”.

I bet the Pennsylvania guy who put himself on voluntary self exclusion at Pennsylvania casinos is kicking himself in the feet after winning a slot machine jackpot… and then seeing his money slip through his fingers. The sad tale happened after the guy chose to ban himself from casinos for a particular period. Despite this step, he decided to visit his favorite casino anyway and try his luck at the slot machine. His joy of hitting the $2000 jackpot soon turned to sorrow, however, after he was told that because he was on voluntary ban, he could not claim his prize and had to forfeit it. The money, instead, will be donated to a compulsive gambler treatment fund. Poor bugger!

So here’s a joke I read online this week: A guy wins a big jackpot on a slot machine in Vegas. As it is paying out of the machine, but before the pit boss reaches the lucky winner, a haggard man approaches him and says, “I don’t mean to disturb you during your big moment, but my wife is sick and needs an operation. Could you see your way clear to giving me $5,000 of your winnings?” The guy says, “Well, it’s all well and good for you to say that, and if it’s true I sympathize, but how do I know you’re not going to turn around and just gamble it away?” The haggard man responds, “Oh, I got gambling money.”

I try to be respectful towards US politicians, despite their views on gambling. I really do. But sometimes these guys come out with such inane comments about poker and gambling that I can’t keep quiet about it. The latest is an exclusive interview that Rep. Spencer Bachus, R-Alabama gave to ABC News. Bachus, a Ranking Member of the House Financial Services Committee, is known for his rabid hatred of anything that requires a bet to be placed (wonder if the guy buys lottery tickets…) and said wisely to the interviewer: “Internet poker is the crack cocaine of gambling.” I mean – give me a break! Talk about over-dramatizing! It’s time that these politicians stepped down from their soapboxes and examined the subject in a little more depth. Maybe they’ll realize what a great game (of skill!) poker is and even start playing a game or too. I mean, if Mr. Obama is said to be a fan of the game, it can’t be a bad pastime for his house members to try out.…

 At a Friday night poker game , John lost $500 on a single hand, had a heart attack, and died. “Who’s going to tell his wife?” the guys asks They drew cards, and Bill drew the low card. He knocked on John’s door and told his wife, “John lost $500 at poker tonight.” She turns red and yells, “Tell that $#*^$% to DROP DEAD!”
Bill walks away sheepishly and says, “I’ll tell him.”

Ok, the prize for the dumbest thief definitely has to go to Adam Ramsay of Australia who was arrested this week for stealing a car belonging to poker pro, Van Marcus. Ramsay actually started off with a promising future for the title as Criminal of the Year. He casually walked up to the valet at the Crown Casino in Melbourne and pointed to ‘his’ car. The valet (incredibly, dumber than Ramsay), believed him and handed over the keys. Ok, this is where Ramsay starts to fail. Firstly, he stole the car of a very high profile poker player who would definitely squeal the minute he saw the back of his beloved car. Secondly, the car just happened to be a bright red F430 Ferrari Spider – not your average run-of-the-mill convertible, and not a car you would want to be driving if your goal was to remain inconspicuous. And thirdly, after several good hours of driving, Ramsay decided to put gas in the car at a station – where he was promptly arrested. Even his own lawyer told the courts: “He just couldn’t do something more dumb in the circumstances he was in.”

 A blonde decides to do a good deed for her elderly neighbors and offers to do some painting for free. “What do I paint?” she asks eagerly. The old man thinks and then suggests the porch. The blonde happily agrees and the old man doesn’t expect to see her until the end of the day. However, half an hour later, the blonde turns up to the front door and states: “I’m done!” Then walking down the garden path, as an afterthought, she calls over her shoulder, “And, oh, by the way, that was a Ferrari, not a Porsche!”

Malay Muslims are having a hard time swallowing the fact that their government is letting immorality wreak havoc in the country. Hundreds of devoted Islamists gathered this weekend to demonstrate the approval (gasp! horror!) of a sports betting license to a local company and (Heaven help us!) the scheduled performance of US rapper, Pitbull this Saturday. Me thinks officials at the demonstration need to look at things in perspective. Comments such as: “We must act before gambling floods our country!” and “Gambling is a cancer to our society” seem a bit OTT… don’t you think?

So here are a couple of fun thoughts, courtesy of CasinoChecker:

 10 Ways to Know You’re Obsessed with Gambling

 1. You go to a hockey game and wonder what happened to the dealers and boxman.
2. When an ambulance passes with flashing lights, you assume someone hit a “hand pay.”
3. When your kid says math “came easy” today, you ask if it was a 4,6,8 or 10.
4. You go into a shoe store and ask if they have 4, 6, or 8 deck.
5. When your English professor says the author made his point; you ask if he pressed or not.
6. You hear the bible story where Lazarus is told to “Come out”, and you ask for a 2-way C & E.
7. You show up early at the bakery to take advantage of the hot rolls.
8. You wonder if a salad shooter is really a gambling device.
9. When the bartender asks if you want a “double”, you say not against an ace.
10. You go into a 7-11 and ask to play the “don’t.”