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I love the English but they can sometimes be a strange bunch. With the World Cup such hot news these days, you’d think they’d be busy betting on their national team or other things related to the soccer fest. But incredibly, Paddy Power has posted odds on … wait for it… drum roll…. the color of the Queen’s hat at the Epsom Derby. So fascinating is the subject that a special section has been dedicated to her majesty’s headgear on the special day. So if you’ve got a couple of dollars lying around and you REALLY want to swing the odds over whether the hat will be baby blue or peach/apricot, head on down to Paddy Power and place your bet!

At Heathrow Airport a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush received a handshake from Queen Elizabeth II. They boarded coach hitched to six magnificent white horses. As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.

Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation. She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control."

George W., ever the Texas gentleman, replied, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses."

It must be great working for the (government-owned) Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation. The province’s auditor general found that execs spend millions on spas, resorts, boat cruises and restaurants in ‘team building exercises’. This is over and above the $24K car allowance these guys get, as well as special perks such as boxes at sporting events. These guys must sleep well at night, knowing that much of the money that is earmarked for charity causes goes to keeping their bodies well massaged and their Mercs running well. The new chair of OLG, Paul Godfrey commented that “work remains to be done.” Uh huh.

And here’s a joke in honor of all executives out there who are doing a REALLY good job (courtesy of DigitalDreamDoor):

“A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”

It was splashed all over the media this week that the German police have finally managed to arrest the ‘mastermind’ of the recent poker heist in a Berlin hotel in March. While their efforts are commendable, I certainly wouldn’t go so far as to call this guy a mastermind. For one, he didn’t bother training his ‘troops’ properly. Rule number one: If you’re going to rob the prize money, don’t let anyone grab it out of your hand as you make your escape. Rule number two: Don’t decide t to yank off your masks moments before you leave the scene of the crime. The chances are high that security cameras are in the vicinity, and your images will be preserved for posterity – which is probably why it was so easy to nab all six members of the gang.  Better stick to playing satisfying games of poker and winning cash the kosher way…

So, two lawyers are in a bank when suddenly the place is overrun by robbers who come charging in waving their guns and telling everyone to hit the floor. The robbers then go from person to person, demanding their watches, jewels and cash.  While they are lying on the floor, one of the lawyers feels the other one push something into his hand. “What’s this?” he whispers. “It’s the $100 I owe you,” comes the reply.