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I think this Kuala Lumpur teen girl definitely has grounds to break her engagement off… Her delightful fiancée got himself into some gambling debts and didn’t have any way to pay them back. So instead of going out to work like a man, he took the easy way out and sold his girlfriend’s chastity to settle the debts. He invited the girl to his home and then slipped out the back door. The ‘buyer’ then forced the girl into having sex with him – and the debt was settled.  The rapist was tracked down by the police and arrested, when the whole sordid story came out.  

A mother had three virgin daughters who all got married on the same day. She asked them to send her a postcard from their honeymoon to tell her how ‘it’ went. The first daughter wrote from Hawaii with just one word on the postcard: “Nescafe”. The mother was confused but went to the Nescafe jar in her kitchen to see the logo written on the jar: “Good ‘til the last drop.” Satisfied that the honeymoon had gone well, the mother read the postcard from the second daughter which said: “Benson and Hedges”. Reading the cigarette box, the mother saw: “Extra Long. King Size.” The mother was pleased that daughter number two was satisfied with her hubby and waited for postcard number three. She waited a week, then two weeks and finally, she received the long awaited postcard which read: “British Airways.”  The excited mother ran to read the BA ad, which said: “Three times a day, seven days a week….”

A Singapore exec has, IMHO, taken precautions a little too far by self-excluding himself and six of his top personnel from local casinos. Mohammed Salleh recalled in a newspaper report this week how he read about a local businessman who had lost $19.2 million at the casinos and decided that he wanted to prevent this happening to himself and his own people. So Salleh applied for the casino exclusion orders for himself and his men. “It’s better to be safe than sorry,” he said.  And what about if other staff members in his company decide that they want to enjoy a little bit of gambling recreation? Is Salleh going to force the entire firm to sign an anti-casino contract?  I’m no psychologist, but this guy seems to be a bit paranoid, if you ask me.

A company feels that it is time for a shakeup and hires a new, ambitious executive to act as CEO. The exec’s first plan is to get rid of all the slackers in the company. He does a tour of the facilities and walks into a room full of workers. Leaning against the wall is one young man. “You!” says the CEO. “How much do you earn a week?”

“$350,” replies the man. “Why?”

 The CEO yells: “Take $350 and get the hell out of here.”

 The CEO is satisfied with his first firing and, trying to make an impression on the other workers, says: “That’s what you get for goofing around. Now tell me, what did that guy do around here?”

 “Um,” replied one of the workers, “He was the Dominoes Pizza delivery guy.”

Online gamblers in New Hampshire must surely be yanking out their hair by the handfuls in despair, following an announcement that a much welcome online gambling site, set to launch in the coming months, won’t be launching after all. Just as the wheels were being set in motion to introduce online lottery gambling, as well as speed bingo, super slots, baseball and New Hampshire poker, along comes the NH Lottery Commission and announces that the plans have been scrapped. Sorry guys.  Apparently, the effort it would have taken to get the site approved with lawmakers was simply too much for the Commission to face and so they took the easy way out and scrapped the whole idea.

So four guys are driving in their car down a US highway, one from Maine, one from Vermont, one from Massachusetts and another from Hew Hampshire. Suddenly the guy from Maine yanks a bag of potatoes from the back and throws it out the window. “Why did you do that?” asks the guy from NH. The Maine guy answers: “We have so many of those in our state that I got sick of seeing them.” Then the guy from Vermont decides that he would do the same with the jugs of syrup lying at the back. “We have so many of these jugs lying around our state, I’m sick and tired of seeing them.”

And so… yes… the guy from New Hampshire throws Mr. Massachusetts from the window….”

Remember the tale of poker pro Van Marcus who had his red Ferrari stolen from the car park of Melbourne’s Crown Casino in May? The thief, apparently, saw the car, asked the valets for the keys, and simply drove off. So the guy was charged this week and he told the court that the joyride on the Ferrari was unplanned. “It was dumb,” he said. “It was an impulse thing.” To explain HOW dumb, the guy simply rode around the neighborhood where the car kind of stood out. He said that he wanted to see his kids but since it was the middle of the night, he had some time to kill and he didn’t know “what to do or where to go”. The police helped him on THAT decision. He’ll be doing four months for theft in jail. The Chief Magistrate admitted that the case was “bizarre” but not enough to warrant a tougher sentence than the one handed down.  Methinks, though, that the valets who handed the thief the keys to the car should be charged for negligence…..

On the subject of robbers:

A robber breaks into a home and hears a voice saying: “Jesus is watching you”

He drops what he is carrying and says, startled, “Who said that?”

The voice says again: “Jesus is watching you.”

He slowly turns around to see a parrot.

“It was YOU!” he says relieved. “So, my feathered friend, what’s your name?”

“Cornelius,” answers the bird.

The robber laughs and says: “What kind of an idiot names a parrot Cornelius?”

To which the bird replied: “The same idiot who named that Rottweiler behind you Jesus.”

Did you know that the British love their Facebook more than they do sex?  These were the results of an interesting survey commissioned by Inter Casino online casino in celebration of the $1.025 million milestone passed by the Millionaires Club progressive slot jackpot. Over 2,000 British players were asked if they would give up Facebook for the chance to win the cash, and only one third said that they would. Amazingly, nearly half said that they would give up sex for a year in order to win the jackpot. So we can only deduce from these results that Facebook has most definitely overtaken face to face contact as the preferred method of intimacy and communication. Food for thought, huh?

 A couple of one-liners in honor of Facebook’s growing popularity:

 Q: Why is Facebook a great site for loners?

A: Because it’s the only place where they can talk to a wall and not be considered a loser.

 Q: When Facebook, MySpace and Twitter merge into one super social networking company, what will it be called?

A: My Twit Face

 Q: What happened after Ms. Universe lost her crown due to racy pics being leaked from her Facebook account?

A: She received a million friend requests.

You’ve got to love it! The latest news from Down Under is that Senior Labor figures in the government have placed bets on the outcome of the Australian federal election – wagering against their own parties! Speaking for Centrebet, Neil Evans said that “people very high up” were betting on “some of the critical seats – and I can tell you they don’t always stay faithful to their parties.”  Of course, this news has gambling opponents such as Nick Xenophon screaming from the rooftops. Xenophon said that just as AFL officials and players can’t bet on the other team, so too should the same rules apply for election betting.  The politicians have said that it was a personal choice if party members engaged in such conduct. So much for party loyalty!

So… a politician and his two cronies were fishing when their boat capsized. Bill and John, the two friends, started panicking because they had noticed sharks in the water. “No worries mate,” said the politician. He dived under the waves and headed towards the coastline to get help.  As he was swimming away, John noticed the fins of two great whites heading towards their friend. Before he could even yell a warning, he was astounded to see the politician take hold of their fins as they escorted him safely back to shore.  When the politician eventually came back with help, Bill and John said in disbelief: “How did you manage such an amazing feat?” The politician smiled and said: “Call it professional courtesy.”