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Australian actor Russell Crowe seems to have seen the light when it comes to gambling. In 2007, the actor tried to rid poker machines from the Redfern club of his beloved South Sydney Rabbitohs team, even writing an impassioned letter to the authorities about the matter. But this week, the Rabbitohs signed a deal with their new sponsor – the Star City Casino, which will have its logo appear on the front of the team’s home jersey. In defending the rugby team’s decision to move to the ‘evils’ of gambling sponsorship, Crowe had the audacity to say that Star City is “not just about gambling”. He said: “What we’re talking about here is a connection between two organizations that are all about entertainment, they are all about the future of Sydney.” I still love the guy!

“Traveling in a train were a Wallaby, an All Black, a spectacular looking blonde and an older lady. After several minutes of the trip, the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the Wallaby had a big red slap mark on his cheek.

The blonde thought – “That horrible Wallaby wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the lady, who in turn must have slapped his face.”

The older lady thought – “This dirty Wallaby laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him.”

The Wallaby thought – “That bloody All Black put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me.”

The All Black thought – “I hope there’s another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid Wallaby again.”

Casino magnate, Stanley Ho, has accused his family of trying to steal his gambling empire that includes a good portion of Macau, through a share restructuring move that has left him with “almost nothing”. Ho started out his business career with just $10 in his back pocket 50 years ago and today owns the $10 billion SJM Holdings casino company. However, a family dispute, where Ho has accused his family of transferring shares to a holding company owned by other members of the family, without his permission, is threatening the future of the group. “This is robbery,” said the 89 year old billionaire. Jeez, can’t a guy enjoy the fruits of his own labor at a ripe old age without fearing backstabbing family members? They’ll get their inheritance soon enough!

Courtesy of Jokes-Funnies:
Two friends meet in the street. One looked forlorn and almost on the verge of tears. The other man said, “Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?”
The sad fellow said, “Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars.”
“That’s not bad.”
“Hold on, I’m just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear.”
“I’d like that.”
“Last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million.”
“The how come you look so glum?”
“This week – nothing!”

Picture this scenario: You go to your favorite online bingo site with the hope of winning a prize. It could be cash, it could be a day at the spa or it could be move tickets. What’s the furthest thing from your mind when you think of a potential bingo prize? Let me give you a hint: Baked beans!

But that’s exactly what Foxy Bingo decided to give its players as a prize when they partnered with Heinz and ran their latest promotion. One lucky winner can earn a YEAR’s supply of baked beans at this award-winning bingo site simply for guessing how much the family sized 1 kg baked bean package weighs. Oops, I just gave away the answer…

Here’s how Foxy Bingo justifies its weird prize: “Beans mean budget meals when the cupboard is bare after the turkey has been served up a dozen ways and the last crumb of Christmas cake has been brushed away.”

“But, forget the heavy cans of old, now you can buy the UK’s favourite brand of baked beans in a family size one kilogram plastic fridge container. Brilliant to feed the kids and then leave dad’s portion in the pot until he gets home and Foxy has very generously offered to serve up a year’s supply of baked beans for one Foxy Friend’s family. That’s 36 fridge containers delivered to your doorstep in January.”

Am I missing something here?

The folks down in Des Plaines are sure excited about their new casino. The $450 million project, Des Plaines’ 10th riverboat casino, is set to open to huge fanfare, and mayor Marty Moylan is hoping to attract visitors by the thousands. The focal point of the festivities will be the unveiling of the casino’s name next month. Readers of local journals and newspapers were invited to submit their ideas for names for the resort. The mayor said it took so long to find a name because all ideas had to be “properly vetted.” At next month’s unveiling, residents will be invited to ride a city-chartered bus to the grand event, with the casino expected to open in July this year.

On the subject of mayors, complements of Joke Buddha:
“An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery. During one Sunday’s sermon he told them, “If one more person confesses to adultery, I’ll quit!” Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: “fallen.”From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had “fallen.”This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93.Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. “You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You can’t believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having fallen!” The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest. But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor and said -”I don’t know why you’re laughing; your wife fell three times last week!”

This tale is as sweet as they come. You may be familiar with Stanley Ho, the guy who owns half of Macau and is considered one of the richest men in the world. Not only has this 85 year old built himself a billion dollar fortune, he has also accumulated no less than four wives over the years. One of them hired a maid from Malaysia ten years ago, who literally brought up the youngest Ho daughter. Imagine then, the shock when the maid bought just one lottery ticket to celebrate her own birthday and landed up winning the equivalent of $5 million! The middle aged woman said that she will continue working in the Ho household due to her dedication to the child she brought up from birth. Don’t you just love it when a plan comes together?

A rich woman decided that she had reached the end of her tether with her maid’s stroppy attitude. She called her to the salon and told her that she was fired.
The haughty maid looked at her and said: “You should know Madam, that your husband considers me a better cook and housekeeper than you. He told me himself!”
The rich woman was shocked but kept her cool.
“And,” continued the maid, “I am better in bed than you are!”
The woman murmured: “I suppose my husband told you that too?”
“No Madam,” said the said. “Not your husband… the mail man!”

I came across a cool site that shares the most interesting historical facts about gambling that I’ve come across. So interesting that I had to share some with you… Did you know, for example, that back in the 18th Century, when English betting shops were popping up (illegally) over town, one poor dude had the job of swallowing the dice if the police managed to swoop in on the establishment? Another fact I came across was that then US President, Richard Nixon actually funded his run for Congress in 1946 with money that he won playing poker while he served in the Navy during the Second World War. Did you ever stop to consider why the hand in poker made up of Aces and Eights is known as Dead Man’s Hand? According to this site, it was the hand that James “Wild Bill” Hickock, the famous American poker player, was playing when he was shot dead from behind. And finally, the Great Wall of China may be one of the world’s greatest tourist attractions, but it has quite an amazing beginning. Legend has it that the Chinese authorities used money from Keno to raise the money to build the wall. Cool or what?

Jokes for History Buffs:

Q: Why were the early days of history called the Dark Ages?

A: Because there were so many knights.

Q: How was the Roman Empire cut in half?

A: With a pair of Caesars.

Q: Which English king invented the fireplace?

A: Alfred the Grate

A casino in Sydney was slapped with a $10,000 fine after it sold a poker player an incredible 42 beers in a 17 hour period. The player was enjoying a New Year’s Eve weekend with his buddies at the Star City Casino and managed to down the drinks until 7.30 am on January 1st. The authorities Down Under were not too happy with the incident and fined the casino. But listen to this… The waitress who served the man 15 out of the 42 drinks was fired from her job for serving alcohol to an already intoxicated gambler. Her excuse? He was a poker player and therefore she couldn’t tell if he was bluffing or not. The other guy who was on the shift with her only served 11 drinks and therefore missed being fired. Instead he was demoted to serving breakfast … I kid you not.

Courtesy of Convict Creations:
After their boat sinks, two Aussies are left floating around in their lifeboat in the middle of the ocean. All of a sudden one of them spots a funny looking bottle bobbing in the water and pulls it out. He sees something written on the bottle but can’t quite read it so he gives it a bit of a rub.
SHAZAM…..out pops a genie!
“For releasing me from the bottle I will grant you one wish.”
The guy glances at his mate, smiles and without further hesitation says, “I wish the whole ocean was beer!”
The genie claps his hands together and BOOM, there’s a blinding light and the genie is gone. The guy quickly leans over the side of the boat and takes a big swig of “water”.
“You’re not gonna believe this mate, but it’s really beer!”
His mate screws up his face and says “That’s just bloody brilliant mate! Now we’re going to have to piss in the boat!!”

I am a proud, die-hard ABBA fan, despite the fact that they disbanded back in 1982. Over the years, there have been several attempts to get the four Swedish singers who make up the pop band to reunite, and they were even offered – and turned down – a staggering $1 billion offer ten years ago to sing together. However, new rumors have surfaced that ABBA may perform a one-off this year in the UK, and bookie sites have jumped in to open markets on this possibility. I’ve been watching the odds and they are very interesting indeed. For example, William Hill recently slashed odds from 20/1 to 5/1 that ABBA will see a number one hit this year. Hopes have been kept high by comments made by the most reclusive of the four, Agnetha Falkskog, that she could see them “doing something together in the future.” I don’t know if we can base our assumptions that there will be a reunion simply on these comments, but we can definitely hope that things will move in that direction! We’ll just have to watch those bookie sites to see the trends and keep our fingers crossed!

I recently met a chap with a didgeridoo and he was playing ‘Dancing Queen’ on it. I thought: “That’s Aboriginal!”

My friendly neighborhood barber knows how I like my hair done. Short back ‘n sides, a good lather up on the chin and presto, we’re done. I thought barbers worked like Jack – until I read about a raid that took place in Oklahoma City last week. Apparently, the police found that all things weren’t snippin’ perfect at the Fade Doctor Barber Shop. For one, a guy was smoking marijuana in this car outside the shop, while another was drinking from a can of alcohol. In addition, Mr. Barber was charged with allowing gambling on his premises after the police bust up a dice game where wagering was taking place. I guess you can say that Fade Doctor Barber Shop offered a comprehensive list of hair-raising services for its patrons…

Courtesy of Barber Jokes:

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut but the barber refused saying, “I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man – you do God’s work.”  The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

 A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying, “I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man – you protect the public.”  The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

 A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying, “I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man – you serve the justice system.”  The next morning the barber found a dozen more lawyers waiting for a haircut.