BonusRating

So here’s what NOT to do if you’re a celebrity sportsman who has been warned not to dabble in gambling because it may affect the rest of your professional career. Do not gamble at underground poker games where cocaine was allegedly free for the taking and where violence allegedly took place. Alex Rodriguez, better known as A-Rod, is facing suspension after he blatantly ignored a warning in 2005 by Bud Selig to stay away from underground poker clubs. Now the guy got himself caught up in another scandal, and even if he wasn’t actually at some of the games, as his publisher claims, it may be hard to give him the benefit of the doubt.

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started…….the doctor yelled, “Up Nuts” And the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem …he yelled, “Down Nuts”. And they all sat back down in their seats.
After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, “Cheer Nuts”. They all broke out into applause and cheered.
When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, “Booooo Nuts!!!” and they all started booing and cat calling.
Thinking things were going very well. The doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, the doctor asked,” What in the world happened? “
The assistant replied, “Well, everything was going just fine till a vendor passed by and yelled “PEANUTS”!

Just when you think that buildings couldn’t get any more monstrous in size in Macau, when the earnings couldn’t rise any higher and the plans to build new casinos couldn’t keep coming, along come the latest statistics to show us exactly how little we can predict about Macau’s growth. In just four short years, this far flung Chinese peninsula has become the biggest gaming city in the world, surpassing Las Vegas from 2007. Every single day, Macau has over $10 billion in bets placed and, according to the president of Wynn Macau, this is “just the tip of the iceberg”. And listen to this statistic: Within 12 months of opening its Macau Sands, the Las Vegas Sands Corp recouped its entire $265 million investment and earned enough profit to start building an even bigger complex. At this rate, Macau will be something like the world has never seen before in terms of revenues and success. Maybe I need to consider a move to Asia to get me some of that market…

A couple of funny money jokes:

What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? A very witch person.

Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it.

Where do bees keep their money? In a honey box.

What happened when the cat swallowed a coin? There was money in the kitty.

The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.

How can you double your money? Look at it in a mirror

I recently brought to your attention the case of Tobey Maguire who played Spiderman in the blockbuster movie, and his poker woes. Our man got himself tangled in a pretty big web after he was named in a lawsuit for having earned more than $300,000 in high stakes poker games against Bev Hills hedge fund manager, Brad Ruderman – who was betting with clients’ money that he received in a Ponzi scheme. Maguire has responded to the lawsuit, saying that he only won $187K and that he lost nearly as much as he earned. However, response or not, it seems that there’s no avoiding court, and a trial has been set for January, 2012. Other top stars, who played in games against Ruderman, including Leonardo DiCaprio and Ben Affleck, were mentioned in the litigation. Watch this space…

Courtesy of AngelFire:
TOP TEN Indications That Your Girlfriend Wants to Be a Superhero:
10. She is constantly humming the theme to ‘Mighty Mouse.’
9. Refers to her apartment as the ‘Bat Cave.’
8. Keeps putting you down with, ‘That’s not the way Iron Man would do it.’
7. Has two spearguns welded to the front of her AMC Pacer.
6. Always says, ‘I’ll be back,’ before going to the can.
5. Studies cybernetics in spare time because, ‘You have to think like the enemy.’
4. She owns two copies of Leonard Part VI.
3. Mutters ‘One shot, one kill,’ with each belt of Jack Daniels.
2. Enjoys giving ‘mortals’ tour of her sword collection.
1. Every Thanksgiving, snaps the turkey’s neck, smiles at you and says, ‘Chefs do that!’

In the past 20 years, one single family has enjoyed lottery wins three times! The McCauleys of New York were struggling financially in 1991, with the mom, Amy unemployed and the husband’s salary slashed – when they won the $15.5 million New York Lotto windfall. While some people would stop at that, Amy McCauley continued buying lottery tickets and in 2007, she won over $160K in the Carolina Cash 5 game,(and a mere ‘pittance’ – $1,000 – in 2009). However, it was Kimberly McCauley, their daughter, who made it three times lucky for the family. This week, she won over $100,000 in an instant scratch lottery, in the same year that the $738,000 a year installments of her parents’ multimillion dollar win comes to an end. Maybe they can adopt me?

And on the subject of luck….

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When I got shot, you were there to support me. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?

“What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

“I think you’re bad luck,” he replied.

Beth Shak from Bryn Mawr in Pennsylvania, isn’t your average mom of three. While her status as a world class poker pro who won over $300,000 in a tournament should be enough to highlight this fact, it is actually her love (read: obsession) for shoes that got her mentioned in a new documentary by Thierry Daher named God Save My Shoes. In the film, Shak is seeing speaking passionately about her shoe collection that totals a staggering 1,200 pairs – the biggest private collection in the country! Incredibly, over 700 of these pairs are original Christian Louboutin, including one that cost her $4,000 and is so unique with its Swarovski crystals and rose-gold heels, that only another 10 people in the world (including Victoria Beckham) own a pair. But I guess if she’s making enough to fund her passion by playing poker, who are we to judge?

Courtesy of dailycleanjokes.com

A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The well trained salesman looks at his feet and says: “But sir, you take an 11 or 12.”

“Just bring me a size 8,” says the guy.

The salesman brings him the pair and the man stuffs his feet into them and stands up in obvious pain. “I’ll take them,” he says.

The salesman tries again: “Sir, they look a bit small. Are you sure?”

The guy replies: “I’ve lost my house to the IRS, I live with my mother in law, my daughter ran off with my best friend and my business has filed Chapter 7.
The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take my shoes off!”