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Not a good way to greet the opening of one of Australia’s newest casino venues… The Star Casino, which revealed its $870 million refurbishment to the general public only a week ago, saw sixty drunken men get involved in an ugly brawl the other night. The fighting didn’t actually take part in the casino, rather near its wharf, but the casino was able to provide the police with CCTV footage to identify those involved. However, from the state of their faces after getting punched up in their drunken brawl, it may be difficult to tell who is who. The fight started after what the police call a ‘verbal altercation’ but quickly turned into a very violent fight. Many had been drinking since the early evening on a harbor cruise and probably couldn’t even remember their wonderful behavior the following day.

“A guy walks into a bar at the top floor of large skyscraper and asks for a strong one. He drinks up and asks for another one. After quite a lot of drinks he walks over to a table where there are two men sitting, talking and drinking. “I’ll bet you guys 5000 bucks I can jump out that window and land safely on street below!”

The two men look at each other then agree to accept the bet. So the drunk walks to the window and jumps out. The two men can hardly believe their own eyes when they see him land safely on the street and again enter the building. “How’d you do it?!” they ask in amazement when he enters the bar again.

“Well, you see.” the drunk replies. “There is this ventilation shaft straight below this window, and the stream of air is so strong, it slows you down enough to land safely on the grid. Why don’t you try it yourselves?”
So, both the men hurry to the window and jump out, facing certain death as they hit the street at high speed.

At this point, the bartender walks up to the drunk and says: “You know what, Superman? You can be a real bastard when you’re drunk!” “

Mayo, the remote Irish farming and fishing village in the extreme northwest tip of the country, was celebrating one of the local families’ €11 million lottery success after last weekend’s National Lottery draw. The family, which has been described as “modest and unassuming”, was apparently still trying to take in the good news and have refused to comment. Their parish priest, however, has said that they have a large family, many from abroad, who will be joining them to celebrate the win. Now call me a cynic, but, hey, I BET the family will be running back to help celebrate! Imagine hundreds of long-lost relatives making their way to sleepy Mayo after decades of being away, knocking on the family’s door, and presenting themselves. (“Didn’t your Da tell you that he had a third cousin twice removed from his gran’s side?”) ….

And on the subject of long lost relatives:

A young punk got on the cross town bus and sat down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man.

The young punk had spiked, multi-colored, green, purple, and orange hair. His clothing was a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs were bare and he was without shoes. His entire face and body were riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings included big, bright red, yellow and green feathers.

The old man glared at the young punk for him for the next ten miles, as the bus traveled across the city.
Finally, the punk looked across at the old man, and yelled, “What are you looking at old man? Didn’t you do anything wild when you were young?”

Without missing a beat, the old man replies, “Yeah. Back when I was very young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and had a one-night stand with a parrot… I thought you might be my son.”

A player on an unnamed online poker site gave new meaning the concept ‘sore loser’ after he threatened bloody carnage in an email sent to the site’s head office. The man, from the UK, lost nearly $30,000 playing at the poker room between June 2010 and May 2011, and he eventually went beserk over the losses. The man sent an email to the Isle of Man head office, threatening to come after the workers with a shotgun unless they paid him out his losses. Despite sending the site a letter of apology the following day, saying that he was drunk at the time of writing it, the poker site decided to take the matter up with the police and Michael Gallagher was arrested. He is currently out on bail and will be sentenced for blackmail and violent threats next month.

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth”. The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him a $50 note and says, “Just don’t tell your father.
“Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father also promptly hands him a $50 note and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your FATHER a big hug.”