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You gotta love the terms of endearment being flung from one side of the gambling arena to the other in Australia’s perpetual pokie war. Recently, a government representative accused the head of Crown Casino, James Packer of “preying” on problem gamblers and the casino boss was so incensed with these accusations that he retorted back: “This perception that the only people that come to Crown are helpless victims and we are just preying on them, I reject that absolutely and that does upset me,” he said. “I think that that is a spin line from the latte set, which is completely wrong.”

And on the subject of latte….

Q: Why is Starbucks removing the trans-fat from their menu?
A: Because they want that Frappacino to pad your ass without clogging your arteries!

Q: Why is Starbucks promising their customers “Your drink should be perfect every time. If not, let us know and we’ll make it right.”?
A: To torture their employees

Q: How did Federal Authorities figure out that there is a complex underground drug smuggling tunnel near the US-Mexico border?
A: It had it’s own Starbucks!

Q: What is the new Starbucks sponsored Paul McCartney song?
A: Latte it Be!

Q: Why can Starbucks get away with charging outrageous prices for coffee?
A: Because they have Italian titles for everything!

A finance student has found an ingenious way to bolster school spirit. Chandler Bator created the site to allow students across 160 schools to play poker against one another. “You compete with other universities, just like sports, and that could definitely be compelling for some students,” said Bator. The site bypasses illegal online gambling, and at the same time creates jobs for at least 25 students. Students pay a flat $20 monthly subscription fee and stand in line to win cash and prizes. Hail to this student entrepreneur – not only for bringing jobs to his pals, but also for spreading the joy of online poker!

And on the subject of students:

A very shy guy goes into a nightclub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.

After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!”

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “Two-hundred dollars? What do you mean $200?!!

There are some strange gambling related stories doing the rounds, but this one takes top prize. A woman in Florida called 911 on Thursday night to report that her car – with her 11 year old son inside – had been stolen. After a quick check, the police determined that the car hadn’t been stolen but rather repossessed, with the boy asleep inside. The mother claims that she was on her way to a dollar store when she noticed a Winner’s Circle gambling store and decided to pop in there instead. The police arrested the woman and charged her for leaving a minor unattended while she partook in gambling activities. While the woman claims that she regularly checked up on her son – every 10 minutes or so – a security officer said that she had been playing for over an hour before she noticed that her car, with the child inside, was missing. Mom of the Year award, anyone?

Maurice was known among his friend for the promptness with which he sent his ex-wife her alimony payment each month. His friends could never understand why, considering that she had been such a b&*%h to him during their marriage.

One day, his friend pulled him aside and asked what the other guys were dying to know: why was he so prompt in his payment checks?

Maurice shivered and explained, “I’m afraid that if I ever should fall behind in my payments she might decide to repossess me.”

Russell Brand (aka Mr. Katy Perry) may have taken his comedy act one step too far after a prank pulled on Tweet. The comedian was due to perform in front of 5,000 people in Ontario’s Casino Rama, but hours before the show he tweeted that he was having problems with ‘customs’ and ‘border control’ and he may not be able to attend after all. Several hours later, he confirmed the cancellation of the show, again stating ‘border problems’ as the reason. Fans believed Brand as only recently he was shut out of Japan due to previous drug convictions. However, it soon came to light that Brand’s aircraft was having technical problems, which meant that he simply couldn’t take off from California, out of which he was flying. Even the Canadian aircraft authorities used Twitter to confirm that there were no international border issues involved, while Casino Rama pointed out, also by Twitter, that there isn’t even an international airport in Orillia where the plane was supposed to have landed…

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says “Sorry, you know the law, you’ve got to go back across the border right now.”

The Mexican man pleads with them, “No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!”

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I’m going to make it hard for him and says “Ok, I’ll let you stay if you can use 3 English words in a sentence”.

The Mexican man of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, “The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence.”

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, “Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?”

A new lottery game has been introduced in the UK and has just earned the backing of one of the entertainment industry’s biggest names, Simon Cowell. I don’t quite know what Cowell’s link to this new lottery is, since the idea is to raise money for health projects around the country, but maybe I’m being a little cynical and the guy really does have a good heart. So much so, in fact, that he said that “it was one of these great ideas that can make a real difference.” To show his support, Cowell bought 5,000 Health Lottery tickets. OK, now I’m impressed. Top winners take home a prize of $160K, while $80 million will go towards helping people across the country.

And to celebrate all those health freaks out there:

• Everyone thinks I’m a hypochondriac – it makes me sick!
• Hypochondria is the one disease I haven’t got.
• You think you have it bad. I got addicted to placebos.
• Take the health warning about sodium with a pinch of salt.
• First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
• I bought a bottle of sleeping pills. The label read: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.
• I have kleptomania. When it gets bad, I take something for it.

I don’t know what to make of the latest news that Full Tilt Poker may finally have found a buyer, after months of searching for an investor. You can’t blame potential investors from staying away – the online poker room owes over $440 million to angry players from around the work; its executives face charges of fraud and of running a Ponzi scheme, and the US Department of Justice has a list of charges against the company that would make any buyer run a mile. But somehow, FTP has managed to convince Bernard Taupie, former member of the French government and current sports tycoon, to invest in the company. But here’s the thing: Taupie himself has sat in jail on charges of fraud, namely match fixing. He was also convicted of lying to authorities over a luxury yacht in his possession. Somehow, the idea of an ex-fraudster buying a company that is being accused of fraud doesn’t sit well with me….

And on the subject of fraud…

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything.”.

“That’s quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I’m here because my house was destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.”

The puzzled lawyer asked, “How do you start a flood?”