Posts Tagged ‘gambling debt’

Woman Gambles Away In-laws’ Life Savings

Saturday, April 9th, 2011

We all know that the relationship between in-laws is civil at best, but usually strained. So here’s an example of how you WOULDN’T go about trying to get into your in-laws’ good books… A woman from Bushnell, Florida decided that since her husband’s parents were so well-off, she was going to ‘borrow’ some of their savings to fund her gambling habit. The only problem was that she borrowed a little bit too much and wiped out their entire life savings, including checking accounts, CD’s, annuities, life insurance and retirement funds. At the end of the day, Jennifer Dennison had gambled away over $500,000 of their money! Investigations show that Dennison had spent more than $14 million over two years at the Seminole Casino in Tampa. Let’s just say that her husband may have grounds for divorce….

Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your mother in law?

A: Sir, we were able to save her!

Q: What is the ideal weight for a MIL?

A: About 2.3 lbs, including the urn.

My mother in law is banned internationally from playing poker, as she keeps all the chips on her shoulder!

I was out shopping the other day when I saw six women beating my MIL up.  As I stood there and watched, her neighbor, who knew me, said, “Well, aren’t you going to help?”  I replied, “No.  Six of them is enough”.

Jamie Oliver’s Restaurant Management Arrested for Gambling Related Arson and Theft

Saturday, April 9th, 2011

Famous cook, Jamie Oliver opened an exclusive restaurant, Fifteen, in Melbourne Australia and hired 34 year old Kevin Stralow to manage the place for him. Only, instead of directing the profits back into Jamie Oliver’s ever-expanding empire, Mr. Stralow allegedly gambled away thousands of dollars worth of takings on high roller slot games. And then, to cover his tracks, he allegedly set the restaurant alight and burnt it down, causing damage worth millions. His lawyers are arguing that just because he was caught on CCTV going into the restaurant, then leaving a few minutes later, shortly after which time smoke was seen billowing from the windows, does not mean that he torched it down. The trial continues in Melbourne.

Customer to his friend: “This is a wonderful restaurant. I ordered salad and I got the freshest salad in the world, I ordered coffee, and I got the freshest coffee in the world”.

Friend: “I know – I ordered a small steak and got a calf.”

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.

Is your food spicy, sir?

No, smoke always comes out of my ears.

There was a terrible fight at the seafood restaurant. Four fish got battered.

Waiter, waiter, does the pianist play requests?

Yes, sir.

Then tell him to please play tiddlywinks until I’ve finished my meal.

Don’t Mess with the Russians

Friday, March 19th, 2010

 

I bet the editor of the Italian newspaper, La Repubblica is sorry he ever went in to work in May last year. Without bothering the check the facts, the editor approved an article claiming that Russian billionaire and Chelsea FC owner, Roman Abramovich had lost his yacht to pay off a gambling debt. WRONG move. Mr. Abramovich may be part of an English soccer empire, but when it comes to codes of honor and heart-of-steel revenge, he is Russian through and through. In one swipe, Abromovich sued the newspaper for millions, claiming that he had suffered “distress and embarrassment.” This left the publication no choice but to grovel its apologies and promise to pay the full amount, which, incidentally, is being donated to charity. Moral of the story: Don’t mess with the Russians!

Ok, so there were two brothers, an American and a Russian.

The American was jobless and hungry. But he had an idea: he went to the gates of the White House, sat on the ground outside and began eating hay. Obama saw him there and asked: ‘What are you eating hay for?’

‘Because I’m hungry and I haven’t a job.’

Obama was outraged and ordered that he be fed and given some money.

‘What else would you like?’

‘A ticket to Russia to visit my brother.’

Obama made the arrangements and the American flew to Russia where he found that his brother was starving too. The American burst out laughing and said:

‘Brother, I can give you a good piece of advice. Go to the Kremlin, sit on the ground by the gates and eat hay. Out will come Krushchev who will be angry to see you in such a state and give you everything you need.’

And that’s what the Russian brother did. He sat down by the Kremlin gates and began eating hay. Out came Medvedev and saw him there.

‘What are you eating hay for?’ he asked.

‘Because I’m hungry and I haven’t any money.’

‘You’re a fool!’ says Medvedev. ‘It’s summer now, you should be eating grass and leaving the hay for winter.’