Posts Tagged ‘gambling problems’

Gambler Can’t Claim Gambling Losses as Business Expense

Wednesday, February 8th, 2012

Let’s say you were a Bell technician who also happened to love gambling. Would you be able to claim your losses at the casino as a business expense? Well, no. Obviously. But try telling that to the Canadian Guiseppe Tarascio who loves playing the horses, casinos and lotteries. He describes gambling as his “calling” and his “business”. Except that’s just the point. It’s not his business. In 1999, Tarascio lost $56K in gambling, in 2000 he lost $70K and in 2001, he lost $63,800. When he tried to file his tax return declaring his losses as ‘business expenses’ in 2002 and 2003, he was turned down, and he decided to take the case to court. Surprise surprise – the judge requested his appeal and even ordered him to pay $1,000 in court fees. Now, perhaps someone should tell Mr. Tarascio that after so many losses, year after year, maybe he should try investing in another type of “business.”

A man about to have a heart transplant was offered the choice of either a 26 year-old marathon runner’s heart or the heart of a 62 year-old IRS agent. He picked the agent’s heart because he said it had never been used.

And:

Called in for an audit, Mr. Briggs was confronted by a surly IRS agent. “It says here, Mr. Briggs, that you are a bachelor; yet you claim a dependent son. Surely this must be a mistake.” Looking him straight in the eye, Mr. Briggs replied, “Yup, it surely was.”

Gambling Monsignor Gets 3 Years in the Slammer

Monday, January 16th, 2012

A Roman Catholic clergyman who pilfered funds from his parish’s prayer and gift shop coffers to feed his gambling addiction was sentenced to spend three years in prison and pay back nearly $650,000 to his community. Monsignor Kevin McAuliffe was told by the sentencing judge that he had betrayed people who had depended on him and his request for probation so that he could get counseling and help others with gambling problems was turned down. The judge’s hard line was based on the fact that the good father didn’t exhaust his own savings on his gambling habits, and opted to spend church funds instead. I see the judge’s point but IMHO the ruling was a bit on the harsh side…

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,
“When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So the next Sunday, he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon returning to his office, he found the following note on his door.
1. Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
2. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
3. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
4. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
5. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
6. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out him.
7. We do not refer to the cross as the ‘Big T’.
8. Recommended grace before a meal is not ‘Rub-so A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God’.

Bollywood Star Says No to Gambling

Monday, January 2nd, 2012

Imran Kahn, the famous Bollywood actor has promised his fans that he won’t gamble again, after getting sidetracked while filming Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu in Vegas recently. Kahn told the media that his co-star Kareena taught him how to gamble and they both won quite a lot after playing. However, after he returned home to India and continued gambling, Kahn lost enough to have him make a public declaration that gambling has no part in his life. Now this is the type of drama that Bollywood films are made of!

Courtesy of LasVegasJokes:

“Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot’s story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Las Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane … only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!”

Gambler Turns Up Alive After 32 Years

Thursday, July 28th, 2011

A man who disappeared over 32 years ago and was declared legally dead, has turned up in Las Vegas working as a bookie. Arthur Gerald Jones reportedly had gambling and marital problems – causing him to pay a friend to fake documents for him and disappear. He left his wife and three young children, and after he wasn’t found, they were paid out $47,000 in survivor benefits. The police treated his ‘death’ as a suspicious, but a body was never found. On Tuesday, he was arrested on four felony counts related to theft and fraud, and he may enter into a plea deal with the Nevata AG’s office to lessen his sentence. I wonder if his wife will take him back now….

Courtesy of Ahajokes.com

Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.

The wife said, “He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”

The next-door neighbor protested, “Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.”

The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”