BonusRating

You’d think that if a state government is going to spend hundreds of millions of dollars on a program to tackle problem gambling, we’d be seeing results by now. However, the Victorian government in Australia came under heavy fire this week after it was found that a $132 million program launched in 2006 called “Taking Action on Problem Gambling Strategy”, showed “little or no evidence to suggest the initiatives in this audit would be effective.”  Among the downfalls were the lack of targets set to measure whether the strategies had been effective and the fact that all those little bling things that they put on pokies to warn gamblers of the time were simply useless in preventing problem gambling… now fancy that..!

So… An Englishman decides that he wants to become an Irishman and goes to his doctor to find out how to go about it. The doctor hums and haws and says eventually: “Well, this is a very delicate operation and a multitude of things can go wrong. The procedure entails removing half your brain.”  The Englishman thinks about this and then says: “That’s OK. My dream has always been to be Irish. I’ll take the risk.”

On the day of the operation, something goes horribly wrong and the Englishman wakes up to find the doctor looking over him in horror. “I’m so sorry,” laments the doctor. “In error, I removed your entire brain instead the half of it!”  The Englishman opens his mouth and says, “No worries, mate!”

I had to rub my eyes in disbelief when I read this morning that Antigua and Barbuda are STILL nagging the United States to compensate them for closing their borders to Antiguan based gambling companies in 2004. When the WTO ruled in Antigua’s favor, the US was ordered to provide compensation and a number of meetings were held over demands and amounts – but nothing ever came of them. The US seems to find this matter highly amusing because how else could you justify keeping Antigua dangling for over six years?! What I find even more unbelievable is the fact that the Prime Minister of the Caribbean state, Dr. Baldwin Spencer said that his country is still committed to a strong relationship with the United States and that he is willing to return to the negotiation tables. He also said that he’d be willing to meet President Obama to discuss the matter. Come ON, Dr. Spencer! If you have the choice of sanctions, and the WTO on your side, it’s time to stop tip toeing around the US and start getting demanding what is due!

And here’s one that seems to sum up the haughty attitude that the Obama administration has taken on the Antigua matter, courtesy of Funny and Jokes: “John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all die and go to heaven. God looks down from his throne and asks McCain, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”

McCain takes a breath and then replies, “Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book.” God looks down and then says, “You can sit to my left side.”

So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?” Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, “I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long.” God again looks down and this time says, “You can sit to my right side.”

Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?” Obama smiled and replied, “I think you’re in my seat.”

Police in Israel were surprised to find that one of the guys involved in an illegal internet gambling operation that they busted, was none other than a superintendent from the force’s computer division. The officer in question had been on leave since January this year under suspension – and he was promptly given a further two day extension on this previous suspension as his fellow police officers continue to investigate. This guy may have found the whole thing of busting online gambling sites against his own principles and decided to cross the line and enjoy the anonymity his job gave him. I guess he never figured on getting caught!

Here’s a cool police related joke that I found at MyFunPortal: “A woman and a man are involved in a car accident but it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.” Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few very large swigs from the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?” The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police…”

In my perpetual quest for the dumbest gambling-related criminal (true, I have no life), poker pro Joran van der Sloot takes the title this week. Remember the guy who was arrested twice in connection with the murder of Natalee Holloway in Aruba in 2005? The guy who everyone knows is guilty but can’t hold him due to lack of evidence? So what would you do if you were him? Keep out of the media, maybe? Lie low? Nah! Van der Sloot decided that he wasn’t getting enough media attention and so he carried out the same crime all over again, this time murdering a poor Peruvian girl, and leaving her body in the hotel room registered in his name.  Van der Sloot then crossed the border on the run, but he was arrested in Chile yesterday while on the run. Guess who’s going to be off the poker circuit for a loooooong while!

OK, the following is a true story to highlight the fact that there are dumb criminals everywhere:

An officer in Kansas arrested a man at an airport hotel for trying to pay with counterfeit bills. On the arrest sheet, the following conversation was recorded.

Officer: What is your DOB?

Criminal: What’s a DOB, man?

Officer: When’s your birthday?

Criminal: May 5^th.

Officer: What year?

Criminal: Every year, man.