Posts Tagged ‘Lottery jackpot’

Can’t Have your Gambling Cake and eat it too!

Friday, July 30th, 2010

A Canadian decided that he was spending too much time and cash at his local casino and entered the province’s Voluntary Self Exclusion Program. Nevertheless, the still decided to hit the casinos once in a while, and during one of these excursions, he won a $42,500 jackpot. The British Columbia Lottery Corporation, however, is saying that since Michael Lee self-excluded himself from the casino, he can’t claim any prizes. One of the terms of the agreement that he signed specifically says so. On the other hand, Lee said that has won smaller amounts in the past, where he had to show his ID to take home the winnings and nobody said anything to him then. I can’t decide who I’m backing here but it makes for some interesting thought….

Here’s a casino joke courtesy of TCO: “A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in ‘Vegas. She’s down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, “What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?” A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, “I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?” He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?” The operator replies, “I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!”

Texan Wins Lottery FOUR Times

Tuesday, July 13th, 2010

I promise you, this is definitely not a case of sour grapes. But really, honestly, how can I be happy for someone who has managed to win the lottery FOUR times. Four! Texan Joan Ginther, a 63 year old, has celebrated four different windfalls of over $1 million each since 1993! Her latest win on the $140 million Extreme Payout scratch off game earned her a whopping $10 million, bringing to $20.4 million the total prizes she has won since she started playing. Even more amazingly, two of her wins were on tickets bought in the same store. Now come on, people, is this fair? What about the rest of us who go week after week to the same store, picking the same numbers, hoping to win a grand, never mind a million! There really needs to be a law against someone so lucky!!

 Here’s a lotto joke (or it might be a true story) courtesy of LottoMania:

 At a Christmas party the staff decided to pull a joke on their boss who had a habit of playing serious practical jokes. When he went to the toilet, they went through his wallet and found his Lotto ticket. Then, they wrote down his numbers and called over the waitress to set up a little prank. She came back half an hour later and asked if anyone wanted to know the night’s Lotto numbers, then proceeded to read them out loud before setting the numbers on the table.
The boss looked at the numbers, then casually pulled out his wallet and compared them. He became really silent, put his wallet back in his jacket and sat down again breathing really rapidly, and looking totally blown away.
After a couple of minutes he pulled out his wallet and Lotto ticket again, and checked the numbers, very carefully.
Then, he, stood up on his chair and shouted out to the whole room: “I just want to let you all know something. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary for months. I don’t like any of you, and I have hated working for this company. You can all go to Hell, ‘cos I’ve just won a shit-load of money, and I’m leaving!” Needless to say his job and his marriage didn’t last much longer.

Oops… I Won $250K!

Monday, July 5th, 2010

Ahhhhh!  I love heartwarming stories where simple errors turn into life-changing events. Last week, a store clerk sold a lottery ticket to a customer but forgot to add an extra game to the ticket. As a result, she had to reprint a new ticket and buy the $2 dud ticket herself. And here’s the good bit: Naomi Mauller was stunned to find that her mistake earned her ticket and its twin $250,000 each!  Mauller’s boss called her early at home and told her that two numbers at the store at hit, and that they had twin numbers, except for an extra number on one of them. “My wheels started rolling and I thought, oh my God, I bought the ticket a customer didn’t want. I told Mike, and he said to get down to the store and check the numbers. And when I did, it was a winner,” recalled an ecstatic Mauller.

And I’ll end off with a letter written by an unhappy lottery player:

 

Dear State Lottery Commission:

I know I chose the winning numbers for Wednesday’s Lotto drawing.

But upon further review, it appears the incorrect numbers appeared on my ticket. How could this happen? The root cause of this dilemma is the form I filled out to get my ticket. The form is very confusing. I thought I was choosing one set of numbers, (the winning numbers), when in reality I chose a completely different set of numbers. The numbers and boxes on the form are so close together, it’s impossible to determine which box to fill in for which number.

I checked with at least 3,000 other people, and they all had the exact same problem. I’m sure if you review the form I filled out, it will become very clear that I’m entitled to the money from Wednesday’s drawing.

Please reply with the date, time, and location, for me to collect the winnings due to me.

Thank you for your assistance in this matter.

Ode to a Loving Father

Monday, May 31st, 2010

Talk about tough love! What would you do if your son won the lottery? A) Delight in his victory, B) Delight his victory and hope that he’ll remember who put him through school or C) Kill him? A Brazilian father decided that the only way he was going to get his hands on his son’s $16 million lottery jackpot was simply to have him done away with. Fabio de Barros won the lottery in 2006 and since then has been in conflict with his father about the money. Francisco decided that he had had enough and decided to hire two hit men to kill his son. Unfortunately for him – and fortunately for Fabio – the police were monitoring his calls and promptly arrested the loving father for the intent to carry out a murder.  Nice guy.

So did you hear the latest $3,000,000 Kentucky State Lottery? Apparently, the winner gets $3 a year for a million years!

 

And here’s another. A husband says to his wife: “What would you do if I won the lottery?” She answers him without missing a beat: “I would take half, then leave you.” “Great,” he answers, “I won $12. Take $6 and bugger off.”

Lottery Winner Gets in Trouble with the Wife

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

Oops. Robert McIntosh may have had the perfect reason for forgetting his wife’s 47th birthday, but as far as she is concerned, even winning the lottery is not good enough. After winning the UK Lottery and taking home £4,460,495, McIntosh felt that he could finally pamper his wife. But what he didn’t remember was her birthday one week after the win, leading her to whine: “The Lottery win is the best birthday present I’ve had in 47 years but I’m hoping I’ll get a special gift now. The budget should have gone up a fair bit.” Doesn’t look like Susan is going anywhere right now, though, even if he never remembers her birthday again, after seeing the seven digit figure in their bank account…

An old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window: “I want to open a damn checking account.” The stunned woman replies:  “I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?” “Listen up, damn it,” he snarls. “I said I want to open a damn checking account right now!” The woman says as patiently as she can manage: “I’m very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank.”  She then leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her situation. They both return and the manager asks the old guy: “What seems to be the problem here?”  “There’s no friggin’ problem, dammit!” yells the man. “I just won $50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!” “I see,” says the manager, “and this damn woman is giving you a hard time, is she?”

Rubbing Shoulders with Lottery Winners

Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

What’s that saying about if you rub shoulders with rich people some of their gold will start to rub off on you? Well that’s how it must have felt for a guy in Tsawwassen, Canada who has worked for over 20 years in gambling industry. I’m sure that Brian Egli must have had his moments of jealousy when he handed over checks to countless lottery-winning millionaires along the way. But his moment of glory came when he learned that he had matched all six winning numbers to earn the massive amount of $4.3 million this week. You can’t blame Egli’s wife Bea for her response when her husband told her that they had won the Big One. All she could mutter scornfully was, “Sure we did, Brian.”

So, Don comes home after a hard day’s work and sees his wife wearing an expensive new fur coat. He blanches and asks her where she got it. “My boss won the lottery and this was my share!” she explains. The next week, she comes home driving a new car, and again she explains that her boss won the lottery. On the third week, she comes home from work wearing a dazzling diamond necklace, with the same explanation. Tired from work, she asks Don to run her a bath but is stunned to see that he has only put in an inch of water in the tub. “Why is there so little water?” she asks. “Well, we don’t want your lottery ticket getting too wet now, do we?” he responds.

Lottery and the Value of Time

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

  Somebody should explain the value of time to a pair of elderly sisters I read about this week. One of them won the Powerball Lottery jackpot of $500,000 and the other quickly reminded her that they had an agreement in existence that all future gambling wins should be split. They even had a notarized contract signed a decade ago to prove it. The winner refused and the case eventually reached a Connecticut court. After hearing both sides, the judge said that she’d be making her decision in a few months time… Perhaps the old dears should face facts and realize (a) at their age, they might not be here in a few months time, (b) if they split the cash they’d probably still have change left over when they leave this world and (c) their lawyers are laughing all the way to the bank with all the cash spent on legal fees in a case as pointless as this.

One day a guy comes home after losing a lot of money playing golf. A short while later his wife comes home from work wearing a new fur coat. “Hey, where’d you get that coat?” he asks her.

“Can you believe? My boss won on a lottery ticket and this was my share!” she explains.

A week later, the wife drives home a new car and once again explains that it was all part of the lottery winnings. A few weeks after that she comes home wearing an expensive necklace and matching earrings. She comes home a few nights later and tells the guy she is very tired and asks if he can start a bath for her. But when she gets to the bathroom, there was only an inch of water in the tub. “Why did you put in so little water?” she asks her husband.

“Well, WE DON’T WANT YOUR LOTTERY TICKET GETTING TOO WET NOW, DO WE?” he replied.