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The small town of Tallapoosa in Georgia has just 3,000 citizens, and all of them must be frantic with festivities after it was revealed that a winning $77 million lottery ticket was purchased in the town recently. The winner hasn’t yet come forward, and everyone is now guessing who the winner will be. The chances are that if one of their neighbors goes sneaking off into the night without leaving a forwarding address, they’ve got their answer; or it may be the new guy who suddenly BOUGHT Tallapoosa. Of course, it could very well be that the ticket was bought by someone travelling through town… but at least this exciting event gives Tallapoosians something to talk about for many years to come.

You know you’re from a small town when….

You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.

48 year old David Rennie of Canada became a millionaire 36 times over when he hit the Lotto Max lottery this weekend, putting him in the top three biggest British Columbia Lottery Corp wins in history. And while Rennie plans to do some cool things with his newfound wealth, such as buy his parents a townhouse and invest much of it, I had to laugh when I read about one of his other dreams. This burly logger, who – until now – worked in a steel company’s warehouse, wants to buy himself… ten dachshunds! Rennie already owns two and wants to expand the pack because, he claims, “they are good cuddlers.” He also added: “We can afford it, right?” I guess you can after a $35,738,798 windfall!

Courtesy of wienermania.com

“Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying “DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!” posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old dachshund asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, “Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” “Yep, that’s him,” he replied. The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?” “Because”, the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.””

I don’t know whether to snarl at this guy in disgust or smile at his pure chutzpah: Leroy Fick from Bay County, Michigan, recently won $2 million in Michigan Lottery’s Make me Rich! TV show. But instead of going out and celebrating his good fortune, Fick has decided that he will continue to receive food stamps, as he did before the win, after finding a loophole in the law. Lottery winnings are considered liquid assets and not income, and therefore the state’s Department of Human Resources was forced to allow the new millionaire to continue using valuable food stamps – aimed to help struggling low income families. At least the department is “aggressively seeking a change to assure that only those who are truly needy qualify,” according to a spokeswoman. Fick said that since the government took an obscene amount of his winnings for tax purposes, he will continue to assert his right to receive the food stamps. I guess you can’t argue with that.

Courtesy Dr. Knapp’s Jokes:
After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, “Let me see if I’ve got this right……………..
 
 ”You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.
 
 ”You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.
 
 ”You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.
 
 ”You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the state exams.
 
 ”You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents by letter, telephone newsletter, and report card.
 
 ”You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.
 
 ”You want me to do all this and then you tell me… ”I CAN’T PRAY?”

When you’re busy cleaning schools for a living, it may cross your mind once in a while that life would be better if you won the lottery. Sixteen cleaners and dinner ladies from Teeside in the UK formed a lottery syndicate, each one contributing £1 every five weeks in order to buy three lucky dips a week. This week, the syndicate hit the jackpot after their numbers came up in the lottery – winning them £4,091,609, or £255,000 each. Many of the 16 are still in shock and can’t believe their luck, while others have already started planning what to do with the cash – including paying for a daughter’s wedding and buying a new car. I guess they were swept away…..

Pupil: There’s a dead fly in my dinner.

Cook: Oh dear, I wonder if it died after tasting it.

Pupil: I thought we got a choice for dinner, but there are only sausages and fries.

Cook: The choice is take it or leave it.

Dinner Lady: It’s very rude to reach over the table for cakes. Haven’t you got a tongue in your head?

Pupil: Yes, but my arms are longer.

Pupil: I don’t like cheese with holes.

Dinner Lady: Well then, just eat the cheese and leave the holes on the side of your plate.

This must be the height of chutzpah: A woman goes out and wins a massive £120,000 on the Lotto and starts living up the high life. She fulfills her dream of learning how to scuba dive. She learns how to fly. She splashes out on luxury cars. She has plastic surgery done. But what she fails to do is to remember to tell the authorities that she has won the lottery, and continues to claim disability benefits on behalf of her husband. Lesley Brogan said that he relied on her 24/7 to care for him – which is going a bit far, since she was clearly not around all day with those flying lessons and scuba diving trips, as well as going under the knife. The judge also wasn’t impressed with this mum-of-three’s logic … and promptly jailed her for 21 months.

What’s the definition of chutzpah?
A boy who kills his parents and then begs the court for mercy – because he’s an orphan.

A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits.
The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee’s pay.
She said, “My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month’s sick leave AND they paid the full premiums.”
“I can’t help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such benefits,” the interviewer replied.
The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, “The company went bankrupt.”

If your best friend won the lottery, you may turn a lightish shade of green, but the bottom line is that you’ll probably be really happy for him. But that’s not the case with Eric Hawkinson’s buddies who opted to celebrate his lottery victory in a different sort of way… they shot him. The lottery winner was shot at four times by Carmine Palella and Robert Eglish, after he won $100,000 in the Illinois Lottery. They planned to kill him and rob him of his winnings, but fortunately for him, they weren’t too successful. “You’ve got to look closer at who your friends are,” said Hawkinson. Um… yeah… good idea…
The ‘friends’, by the way, were sentenced to 23 years in prison….

And on the subject of best friends (this time a Girl’s Best Friend)…

Bill meets his friend Dougie shopping in the mall and sees that he is carrying a small gift wrapped box in his hand.

“Been shopping for something special?” he asked.

“Yeah, it’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow and I asked her what she wanted as a gift,” said Dougie.

“And?” asked Bill.

“Well, she said she didn’t know what she wanted exactly, as long as it had something with diamonds on,” said Dougie.

“So did you buy her a ring, a necklace, a bracelet, what?” asked Bill.

“Nah, I bought her a pack of poker cards,” said Dougie