Posts Tagged ‘Tiger Woods’

Tiger Woods Return Triggers Feminist Fury

Thursday, March 18th, 2010

While I was thrilled to read this week that Tiger Woods is returning to pick up his golfing career, and I’m looking forward to doing some serious golf betting at my favorite sportsbook sites, it also amused me to see a piece in the prestigious New York Daily about the choice of the golfer’s location to make his big comeback. The author of the piece, Filip Bondy, attacked Woods for choosing Augusta, which he describes as a “home of storied, institutionalized sexism”, while he continues to seek “forgiveness for his gallivanting, womanizing ways.” I mean COME ON! Ok, so the guy seriously needs some help and hopefully he’ll get it in rehab, but to go so far as to believing that Woods schemed up the plan to return to Augusta which has a history of sexism, all the while groveling for forgiveness for being sexist, is beyond absurd.

So in honor of Tiger’s return to the greens, here are a few Tiger quips we’ve heard since the whole affair exploded last Thanksgiving:

  • Just because you’re the world’s no. 1 golfer, it doesn’t mean you can’t be beaten by your wife.
  • What’s Tiger Woods’ new name? Cheetah
  • What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
  • What do Tiger Wood and baby seals have in common? They’re both in danger of being clubbed by Norwegians.

Tiger Finds Himself in the Woods

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

  I’m not usually one to mock the misfortunes of others. But – honestly! – nobody can say that Tiger Woods didn’t see it coming! The golfing icon didn’t REALLY expect his lovely Elin not to find out about his sordid affairs with no less than twelve lasses. And in the same vein, does he really expect his sponsors to sit around waiting for him to make up his mind about his date of return to the green? So, if I were Tiger Woods, I wouldn’t dismiss too lightly Paddy Power’s offer of a 5 year sponsorship deal that would have Mr. Woods endorse the sports betting group’s products for a massive $75 million. What’s wild is that the golfer’s agent says that they are “not involved in any discussions to add to his sponsorship portfolio at this time.” Come on, man, by the time this whole affair thing is over, there may not BE a sponsorship portfolio. Methinks that Tiger may be making yet another bad decision…

So, while we’re at it having a go at Tiger Woods, we’ll tell you about the time that the Pope and Woods died on the same day and because of an administrative mix up the Pope went to hell and Tiger Woods went to heaven. The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in hell, and after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error.

However”, the clerk explains, “it would be 24 hours before it can be rectified”. The next day the Pope is called and Hell’s staff bids him farewell. On the way up, the Pope meets Tiger Woods coming down from heaven and they stop to have a chat.

Sorry about the mix up”, apologizes the Pope.

No problem” replied Tiger Woods.

Pope: “I am really anxious to get to heaven.”

Tiger: “Why is that?”

Pope: “All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.”

Tiger: “You’re a day late.”