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Remember those guys who spent hundreds of man hours and millions in research money telling us that gambling is a pleasant pastime? Well, these geniuses have come up with another revolutionary discovery – this time that a near-miss at the slot machines or other gambling devices still provides a rush for gamblers. According to the new ‘ground-breaking’ research from the United Kingdom, “the near-miss rush, while mild among recreational gamblers, is almost as intense a rush for the brain as an actual win…”  I know I say this too often, really I do, but I can’t resist it this time. DUH!!! I mean, do they really think that they discovered the Holy Grail by telling us that it’s that ‘near-miss’ feeling that keeps us coming back for more? That’s what gambling is all about, and we don’t need geeky lab rats to tell us that!

A guy goes to Vegas and wins $500,000 at the blackjack tables. He doesn’t want to share his good fortune with his wife, so he creeps home, digs a hole and buries the loot in his backyard. The next morning he wakes up and finds that the money is gone, with footsteps leading to his deaf-mute neighbor’s home. The enraged player hauls out a gun, goes to another neighbor (who happens to understand sign language) and together they enter the deaf-mute’s home. “Tell this guy that if he doesn’t tell me what he did with my cash, I’m going to kill him,” says the gambler. The neighbor signs to the deaf-mute who replies, “Ok, ok, tell him it’s under my bed.” To translator turns to the gambler and said: “He’s not going to tell you. He said he’d rather die first!”