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If I won the lottery, I’d be shouting it from the rooftops, spoiling friends and family members, and having a great time in life. But a teenage lottery winner from the UK, 19 year old Eloise Hutchinson, has downplayed her £1.3 million win to such a degree that I find it on the brink of false humbleness. In one interview, we learned that Hutchinson will be ‘pampering’ her sister with her old clapped out Ford Fiesta worth £700 (“I might as well give it to her for a first car. I’m not going to miss it.”), that her boyfriend of 8 months had to pay the bill for their celebratory dinner after hearing the good news, and that she’ll continue working at two jobs. I’m all for keeping my feet on the ground, but nobody said dig a fat hole and bury them deep….

And speaking about humility…

A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer are in a car. They run out of gas and are forced to stop at a farmer’s house. The farmer says that there are only two extra beds, so one person will have to sleep in the barn.The Hindu says,’ I’m humble, I will sleep in the barn.’ So, he goes out to the barn. In a few minutes, the farmer hears a knock on the door. It’s the Hindu and he says,’ There is a cow in the barn. It’s against my beliefs to sleep with a cow.’ So, the Rabbi says,’ I’m humble, I’ll sleep in the barn.’ A few minutes later, the farmer hears another knock on the door and it’s the Rabbi. He says that it is against his beliefs to sleep where there is a pig and there is a pig in the barn. So, the lawyer is forced to sleep in the barn. A few minutes later, there is a knock on the door. The farmer opens to see the pig and the cow…

I read this week that Keith Gough, the guy who won the £9 million lottery in the UK five years ago, died this week. Cause of death: boredom. Apparently, after his win, Gough quit his job and went on a massive spending spree that included a box at Aston Villa Football Club, racehorses and a BMW. But after accumulating all these toys, he didn’t know what to do next – so he took up drinking. He didn’t get the hint when his wife left him. He didn’t get the hint when he was duped out of hundreds of thousands by a conman. And he didn’t get the hint when he started to develop stress-related heart problems. They poor guy died at the age of 58 with almost £800,000 in his estate – definitely enough to keep him happy for a long time to come. I guess some people just aren’t built to win the lottery. I, on the other hand….

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks into his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer. This happens about seven times before the curious bartender asks: “Every time you order a beer you look in your shirt pocket. Why?”

The man replies: “I have a picture of my wife in there. When she starts to look good, I’ll go home.”

I’m always fascinated to read about lottery winners who have their lives turned around after their windfall. This week I read about Alex Snelius who won $64 million in the Big Game lottery back in 2000. The 73 year old was quoted as saying that his winning has been a “blessing and a curse” and he has lost a lot of it along the way. “I’m not completely broke,” he said in the interview. “I can survive.”  HOW can someone who wins SO much cash be merely ‘surviving’? The cardinal rule after winning the lottery is to hire the services of someone who ensures that you never get to where Snelius is right now. And if you get yourself a financial advisor and you STILL get to the same point as the poor sod finds himself in, you sue the socks off the guy. See? It’s simple!

 So, a rich man lay dying and called for his vicar, his bank manager and his lawyer. He instructed them that when he died, he wanted each of them to take $50,000 and throw the money on his coffin before he is buried. After the funeral, the three men gather together and the vicar, seized by guilt, suddenly confesses that he only threw half the money onto the coffin. “The church needs a new roof,” he said. The bank manager paused and then said: “Well, since we’re all ‘fessing up here, I should tell you that I also only through half the cash in the hole. The credit crunch is definitely taking its toll.” They all look at the lawyer who says: “Shame on both of you! I threw in a check for the entire amount!”